The Balance between Control and Surrender

Growing up, I used to wear a key in my ear when I wanted to channel my favorite pop star at the time - Janet Jackson. Watching her go from the little girl on Good Times and the Jackson Five's little sister to the phenom who gave us Rhythm Nation and so many others was inspiring.

My favorite Janet song was Control.

Not just because it was a her first song that really declared her independence and departure from the lollipop songs she had done before that. But because the theme of the song resonated with me so strongly.

I really did and still do want to be in complete control of my life. I have lots of regrets because I made life decisions based on what I thought others wanted or expected of me. So when I look back, I think about how things might have been different if I had done this or not done that. And that causes me to take the reins of my life today and hold on to them real tight in the hopes that I create no more regrets. Or even if I do, it's because I made decisions that fully represent what I want and don't want. I am big on being in control of my own life and making my own decisions.

And as great as that sounds, I am also fully aware that I can hold on to the reins of my life as tightly as I want; but there are still things that affect my life that are way beyond my control. It has always been that way and it still is. I never had control over my family dynamics, the actions and behaviors of the adults around me as a child, and where or how I grew up.

And today, with everything happening in the world at large and in my world in particular, I may want to be in complete control; but, I know I'm not. The decisions I make daily are based on and affected by so many other factors that are beyond my control. I honestly never do EXACTLY and ONLY what I want to do and I believe that anyone who says that they do - is lying.

It is said that being able to hold two opposing ideas simultaneously without dismissing either is a mark of first-rate intelligence and maturity. Today, I am able to make these statements and they fully make sense to me in way that they didn't before.  

I am in control of my life and I am responsible for the decisions I make.

AND

I surrender to the fact that, ultimately, I control nothing.

I invite you to ponder on these statements, share your thoughts with me by responding to this email/blog post, and join us for our October virtual sister circle to discuss how you feel about being in control. Whether you agree or disagree with me, we want to hear from you.

REAL Women Rock also has an in-person sister circle in Hampton Roads this month that you don't want to miss if you are in or near that area. After our Line Dancing event in September, REAL Women Hampton Roads is pumped up and ready to welcome you to experience our safe space.

Love yall, Trenace